


Holistic?

by Friedkinisamoron



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-25
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2019-02-19 02:24:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 11,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13113972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Friedkinisamoron/pseuds/Friedkinisamoron
Summary: For the DGHDA Christmas Mini Bang 2017“Okay, okay, do you know what a Holistic Detective is?”“No.”How the heck was Todd supposed to explain Holistic Detection to the guy who actually invented it?In which holistic detective Dirk Gently loses his memory after an unfortunate shovel accident, and he and Todd Brotzman are thrust into a bizarre case featuring ghosts, Romania, and, dare I say it, romance?





	1. Where Am I?

**Author's Note:**

> Big, massive thanks to the wonderful Irina for the brilliant artwork for this fic, which can be found [here](https://solomandr.tumblr.com/post/168922036167/the-holistic-persistence-of-memory-a-triptych) on her tumblr, [solomandr](https://solomandr.tumblr.com) (Because I don't know how to embed stuff), and other big thanks to [Inkyfishes](https://inkyfishes.tumblr.com) for being a superb beta, and helping make sure that this fic didn't end up a waffly mess! 
> 
> This is my first proper fic, and I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> (Oh and another cheeky bit of gratitude to Amelie ([carlyraebrotzman](https://carlyraebrotzman.tumblr.com)) for being a great hypeman throughout the ordeal of writing this :D) 
> 
> *I just realised that ao3 got rid of all my italics, so if some parts are a little blunt when they shouldn't be just make them sound dramatic in your head*

_“Dirk watch out!”_

_***Clang***_

Todd was pacing around his apartment, up and down, up and down, like he’d lost his way in life and momentarily gone mad. He supposed he had really. He was stricken with worry, the kind of worry a mother has for her child. But Dirk wasn’t Todd’s responsibility, right? Yeah, totally.

It had been an hour since Dirk had had his ‘Hit and Run’ incident - or rather in his his case; the ‘hit with a shovel and fall down incident’, and he still wasn't awake. 

“Farah, for the last time, why can we not go to the police? Or- or the hospital?? Dirk was attacked, _attacked!_ By a guy with a _shovel!_ That doesn't concern you at all?”

Farah clasped her hands over her face and sighed, looking over from the unconscious Dirk on the couch to the still pacing Todd, biting her lip and walking over to him.

“Todd I know.. You're worried but, we can't.” Todd began to interrupt but was soon silenced by Farah’s waggling finger. “Ah ah, look. They'll wanna know why we were there in the first place. It's a condemned building Todd, an illegal one. We don't need to get ourselves into anymore trouble. Besides, how would we explain that we were there because our ‘psychic detective’ had a hunch that it was important somehow? We'd be deemed…” “Insane.” She turned back around to look at Dirk, sprawled out rather uncomfortably on the couch, and mumbled “And I don't need anymore insanity right now.” 

“If it's hospital bills you're worried about, Dirk has money, he always has money. An-and he’ll be fine right, he’ll just have a bump on the head right? Farah? Do you think he's okay?” Todd asked, sounding frantic.

Todd watched Farah take in a few deep breaths, in through the nose, out through the mouth, as he was sure too many had taught her over the years. He felt as if he wasn't making her act of ‘playing it cool’ any easier.

“He.. He looks okay? I mean, look, he's breathing Todd, it- it sounds rational right? And he's no paler than he usually is so... Maybe when he'll just need an ice-pack or something, he's gonna have a heck of a headache when he wakes up.” 

Todd nodded slowly, and for a couple of minutes they sat in a comfortable, but slightly tense silence. A silence like this would by now normally be filled in by a wild tale, entertaining whether true or not, by Dirk; like the time he managed to dislodge a sofa out of the very narrow stairwell of a London flat, just by putting two and two together and making connections between the leather of the sofa and a specific brand of butter. But right then Todd sat there enduring the silence, listening to the sounds of shallow breathing, and marvelling at the way Dirk's gangly legs managed to curl over the edge of the battered couch in such an odd manner. 

The silence was soon interrupted by the ping of Farah's phone. She sighed heavily and got up. 

“Todd, I have to go.” 

“Wha- Farah, y -you can't leave?!” protested Todd, his demands coming out more like nervous questions.

“I'm sorry, something’s come up. The other client just texted, wants me to go check out some graffiti on his wall or something, I- Dirk.. Is gonna be fine, all fine. He's concussed. He’ll wake up, be confused or whatever, and everything will be okay. Besides, Dirk would want me to go check it out, it’s a lead.” Todd stared at her with pleading eyes. “Okay Todd?” 

His shoulders slumped slightly. 

“O-Okay,” he mumbled, and he showed her to the door.

No sooner had she left than the gently snoring detective on the couch started to stir. 

Todd grabbed a wet cloth for Dirk to hold on the bump that was sure to have formed on his head, and sat on a stool beside him, trying to hold in his fairly idiotic excitement.

‘Everything is fine,’ he thought. ‘He'll wake up and annoy you with a story about how him and Thor once shared a 99 with a flake in it on a beach back in England’. 

He clasped his sweaty hands together and watched nervously as Dirk slowly opened his eyes and squinted at the sun streaming in through the window. 

Todd smiled softly. “Dirk? You okay? You were hit pretty hard back there.” 

Keeping one hand pressed firmly on his head, Dirk sat up with a rather befuddled expression on his face, looking slowly all around the room before finally settling on Todd.

“Where am I?”


	2. A Fumbled Explanation

Sure, it was Dirk who had bumped his head, but Todd was seeing stars. 

He sat there in a daze, staring at the puzzled looking Dirk, thinking ‘This was not supposed to happen’.

He was soon snapped out of it by Dirk’s confused nattering. 

“Are you alright? Did you save me or something? If you did then I suppose I am indebted to you, Mr... Er... What’s your name?” 

Todd looked at him with a slow, horrific realisation. “You don’t know who I am,” he mumbled. He raised his voice. ‘You don’t know who I am.’ 

Dirk responded by grinning rather awkwardly at him. “No, I can’t say I’ve seen you before. You do have a name, right, it would be pretty strange if you didn’t though, to be fair I know the feeling, names are a hard thing to come by and OH!-” 

He shot off of the couch and stood up, eyes wide and face even paler, running his hands through his hair. 

“What? What’s the matter?” Todd asked, panicked. 

Dirk sat down and stared at Todd, a slightly alarmed look on his face. 

“I can’t for the life of me remember mine,” he said quietly. His tone of voice was strangely duller. 

“You- You don’t happen to know it, do you?” Todd smiled sadly, “It’s Dirk, Dirk Gently.” 

Dirk outstretched a hand. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Dirk. I thought that name felt familiar.” 

Todd chuckled and shook his head. “No, I’m not- I’m- You’re Dirk Gently, I’m Todd, Todd Brotzman. Do you.. Remember anything at all? Like, about yourself?” 

Dirk slowly looked Todd up and down. “You’re American.”

“Is that a memory or are you just stating the obvious?” Todd said, smirking slightly. 

“Well, no, I can tell from your voice, obviously, what happened to me? Why don’t I know anything about myself? Do I know you? Why does my head hurt? And why do I get the feeling that I’m somewhere completely… new?”

Todd bit his lip. He wasn’t prepared for the rapid-fire questioning. 

“Okay.. So.. We were doing a- a thing, snooping around this old building, because you thought you knew- Oh my god.” Todd trailed off. “Dirk, this is going to be a weird question right now, so answer as best as you can.” Dirk nodded, almost amusingly solemn. “Are you a normal person? Do you know of any... abilities you might have?” 

Dirk screwed up his face in thought. “I think I can flare my nostrils, if that counts as an ability, but yes? I think i’m otherwise.. Normal?” 

No, no, no. This wasn’t good, this was all bad. Todd decided to try another angle, desperate to awaken something within Dirk’s mind. “Okay, okay, do you know what a Holistic Detective is?”

“No.”

How the heck was Todd supposed to explain Holistic Detection to the guy who actually invented it? 

“Riiight. Well, um.. It’s what you are. You are a Holistic Detective. Holistic meaning the uh, interconnectedness of all things. You believe in that, kinda. Well, I don’t think you have a choice really...” 

Dirk was looking at Todd as if he were a time travelling scientist trying to explain electricity to a person in the middle ages. 

Todd sighed. “Look, that doesn’t matter right now. Dirk, you were hit with a shovel by a guy. A-a bad guy. And you woke up, and now you’ve lost your memory. So somehow, I- we, have to get it back.” 

Dirk nodded earnestly. “Righto,” he said. “Well, I’ll start with introducing myself. Well, sort of. I suppose we already know each other but all the same, I’ll see what I can remember.” 

Todd smiled. “Sounds good, go.” 

Dirk screwed up his face for a while, trying to remember what he could about himself. 

“My name is Dirk Gently? I live in a flat in London, rather mouldy if I do say so myself, I’m pretty sure there are things growing in the bathroom. I’m a... What was it?” 

“A Holistic Detective.” 

“Right, that, aaaand… That’s all I know. How did I do?” he beamed at Todd with expectant eyes, much like a child after completing a spelling test. 

Todd grimaced. “That’s all?” 

“That’s all.”

“Okay, well for a start you don’t live in London.” 

“I don’t?”

“No.. You live here.. In America..” 

Dirk looked alarmed. “America? How the bloody hell did I get here?” 

“By.. plane?” 

“No, I mean, I have no money, there’s no way I would be able to afford-” 

Todd stopped him from rambling. “A guy hired you to solve a murder, well, his... Murder. I think he paid you quite a lot or something because you’ve got like an apartment here and stuff now.” 

Dirk was screwing up his face. “Hired me to solve his murder?” 

Todd sighed. “Yes. It’s complicated. A shark-kitten did it. Please don’t ask me about it because I honestly don’t have the energy to explain right now.” 

They sat for a while. Dirk deep in thought, Todd deep in anxiety. Todd stood up.

“Do you want something to eat?” he asked. Dirk looked up from his almost meditative thinking state and nodded. “Uh, okay.. What can I give you... I have eggs?” 

Dirk shrugged. “Eggs sound good,” he replied, with a half-hearted smile.

Right. Eggs. Todd’s first mission was eggs. Eggs were a brainfood right? Maybe they would help Dirk regain his memory in some way? Or maybe he was just being crazy. At this point, who could really tell?

He set about making an omelette, whistling an old ‘The Mexican Funeral’ song to try and relax himself. It didn’t help exactly, but he was comforted with nostalgia. He picked up the plate and walked back into the living room.


	3. A Hunch

The atmosphere of the room had changed. The sun was going down, casting everything in a dark and eerie glow, the shadows making the air cramped, the room claustrophobic. Dirk was no longer on the couch, but standing in front of the window with his back to Todd, his shadow stretching out across the floorboards; a tall, slender being, looming like an angry creature guarding the man whose fingers gently tapped the glass in front of him. 

Todd, slightly shaken by the sudden change in mood, piped up to break the ominous silence. “I uh... Made you an omelette?” 

“Something’s wrong.” Dirk’s dead voice came darkly from over by the window. It was a surprise to Todd that it was Dirk’s, utterly devoid of any emotion, and totally flat. Entirely un-Dirkish in every way, and really unsettling.

Todd quickly drew in a breath. “Wh-What’s wrong, Dirk?” he asked as he slowly exhaled, a weird feeling of dread creeping up on him at the sight and feeling of this darker tone. 

“I don’t know, I- I have the most horrible feeling that something is wrong, really wrong. Or... going to be really wrong, and really, badly weird. I can’t explain it, it’s like something is trying to take me somewhere, towards the bad feeling. The more I think about it I don’t want to go but I feel like I have too Todd, something is dragging me towards something bad and I don’t like it, I don’t like it at all.” 

When Dirk turned around his face was wet with tears, and his shoulders were sunken in defeat against... Well, Todd wasn’t sure exactly. Himself, perhaps? 

Todd walked towards Dirk and - without really thinking - pulled him into a hug, his arms wrapped tightly around Dirk’s lanky body. Dirk seemed startled by this at first, but quickly accepted it, resting the side of his head on Todd’s and sighing deeply. 

“This is all meant to happen,” Todd whispered, letting go of Dirk to look him in the eyes. “It's what you do Dirk. You get these hunches, from like, the universe or something. It takes you where you need to go. It's why you're a detective. The last case we did was solved by you Dirk, you solved it. It's all meant to happen.”

“But why?” Dirk asked, his red rimmed eyes wide.

Todd shrugged. “Everything is connected Dirk. That's what you always tell me. It's what you live by, kinda. It all works out in the end I guess.”

Dirk nodded, though he didn't look entirely certain. 

“Now,” said Todd. “Tell me where it wants you to go.” 

Dirk looked away towards the window and sighed.

“A house,” he said. “An old house, it’s abandoned I think, nobody lives there now. I think.. I think I may have been there before.” 

“The house? In like the middle of nowhere? That was where you were hit, Dirk! That was where it all started!” Todd said excitedly. “You- You got a hunch about it before, and now it wants you to go back!” He grinned, his eyes almost wild with neurotic glee. This was all happening! Everything would be okay! Todd was so sure that if they went back to the house that everything would be fixed!

But Dirk looked unsure.

“What if it leads us to something that hurts us? I mean, it did before,and now we’re in this mess. I don’t know anything right now, well, I have a feeling that I didn’t know much before but- Now I know even less. Was I really as... Eager as you say I was Todd? If the.. Hunches were this horrible before, then how was I so gung-ho about everything?” 

Todd hated seeing Dirk like this. It was a side of him he had only ever been close to a couple of times, like when they were back in the forest in Skagit Valley and Dirk had told him about Black Wing. Sad, empty, lost. He shook his head. “You were used to them. You have to get.. Re...Used to them,” Todd said, softly. “Now, we have gotta get to that house.” Todd walked over to a chair to get his jacket and pulled it on. 

“Okay Todd! Let’s go!” Dirk said, a hint of perkiness returning to his voice. 

Todd was just about to lock the door behind them when Dirk suddenly half yelped, half shouted “WAIT!”

Todd rolled his eyes and turned around to see Dirk scratching his head slowly with the short clean nail on his index finger, deep in thought, his hand resting upon his temple. 

It didn’t look like it was helping.

“What,” he asked, suddenly feeling a lot more like his usual, putting-up-with-Dirk mood.

“There’s something missing. I’m... missing something here.” Dirk said, sounding deeply perplexed. 

Todd was about to reply when Dirk yanked open the door and ran back into the apartment with a loud “AHA!”, leaving Todd grumbling in his wake. 

He was out less than 5 seconds later, triumphantly holding his trademark bright yellow jacket. “How could I possibly forget this old thing?” he said to Todd, beaming.

‘Well,’ thought Todd, ‘It’s a start’.  



	4. The Big Old Spooky House

Chapter 4  
Todd was so thankful that Dirk hadn’t forgotten how to drive. Not that he was any good at it in the first place, much less at direction taking, but somehow they had both made it to the house in one piece, despite Dirk stopping more than three times for ‘food and other necessities’ and almost hitting a deer twice, the first time because he thought he saw a woodpecker, and the second time because “Honestly Todd have I never told you how nice your eyes are? Wait, look at me, they’re like blue pools of- AGH!”. Todd was flattered nonetheless, but all the same, he was definitely driving back. 

“This is the place! I can feel it!” Dirk said excitedly, already bounding up the steep steps towards the front gate like an excited great dane. Only to Todd, this was all a whole lot more surreal than Scooby Doo. 

“Woah woah Dirk wait! We need to be careful!” Todd yelled. 

“Why?” Dirk yelled back.

Todd sighed, rolling his eyes. He was not in the mood to be having a caution based yelling match with Dirk in the middle of nowhere at two in the afternoon, not after the day he had had so far. 

He ran up the stairs to Dirk, panting as he reached the top. How was Dirk so physically fit? Todd had only ever seen him eat pizza, and as for exercise, how Dirk had such muscly arms was a mystery to Todd. In fact, Todd had never actually looked at them properly, well, not had a good stare any- 

“Todd?”

Todd snapped out of his rather pleasant daydream to see an amused looking Dirk with his (covered) arms folded with a smirk on his face. “I said you look like a grumpy hootit after all those stairs.”

“A hoo.. What?”

“You know, from the ringing of the three lords, big feet I think, slightly hairy too? Come on Todd, I've definitely told you about it before.” 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, but sure, thanks,” said Todd.

“Anyway, what were you shouting at me for?” said Dirk. 

“I was trying to say that you can’t just rush in blindly. What if the guy who hit you is still in there?”

Dirk patted Todd on the shoulder and grinned. “Then I suppose he’ll be better prepared to greet us this time. Now stop grumbling and come on!” Dirk grabbed the moaning Todd by the arm and pulled him through the gate. 

The exterior of the house was unchanged since the three or so hours that had passed. The ivy still crept up the side of the rotting wooden panels, the wind howled hollowly in a way that was unnatural to the surroundings, and the windows were either smashed in or just cracked from the weather. Everything perfectly the same, totally unchanged… Oh, aside from the fact that there was an old lady standing on the front porch. 

Both Dirk and Todd stopped walking simultaneously.

“Was she… there before? When we came before?” Dirk asked slowly, eyeing up the old woman still standing motionless on the decking.

“No,” replied Todd.

“Thank goodness, I mean I know I’ve lost my memory but I’m pretty sure that abandoned houses and creepy old ladies aren’t usually the most common of findings.”

“Do we go towards her? Do you think she’s like… dangerous?” Todd whispered, looking at Dirk.

Dirk chuckled. “Todd, she’s old. The worst she’s going to do is offer us a dodgy cup of tea and a biscuit three years out of date- Oh wait, probably not, that’s British old people isn’t it... How do American old people work?”

Todd elbowed him in the arm. Dirk opened his mouth to complain about it, looking offended, when a soft, raspy voice stopped them both in their bickering tracks.

“Hello? Is someone there? I can’t see you, I’m blind,” she said, her voice the typical American, but with a hint of something european, something Dirk looked like he recognised as he screwed his face up slightly with thought as she said the words. 

There was a moment’s silence as Dirk’s brain computed the situation, then Todd jumped as Dirk excitedly clapped his hands together. “Oh, BRILLIANT! Todd, she’s blind! Not creepy at all! Thank goodness!” 

Ignoring Todd’s attempts to shut him up before he said anything else offensive to blind old people, he rushed up to the porch, grabbing the woman’s hand and shaking it rather wildly. 

“Hello! My name is Dirk Gently, I’m a private detective apparently, it is a pleasure to meet you! My word, you have incredibly cold hands!” he blurted at her.

Todd rushed up after him.

“Jesus ma’am I’m sorry, he had a bit of an accident, uh, hit his head,” Todd said, shooting death glares to the nervously smiling Dirk, who pulled a face back at him.

“Ah, no no, it’s fine,” she laughed. “Did you say you were a private detective?”

“Yep!” said Dirk.

“Oh good, I’ve been looking out for one.” 

“Well it’s jolly lucky I’m here then!” Dirk said, his voice cracking from excitement. He raised his eyebrows at Todd in a triumphant grin. “This is my… What are you Todd?” he asked quizzically. 

“I’m your… Assis- Uh, no, your friend.. I’m your friend,” Todd said, hoping that he hadn’t said enough to bring the ‘A’ word up in Dirk’s mind.

“Yeah, this is my assistant Todd,” Dirk said to the woman, smiling with a devious glee at Todd’s miffed expression.

“So anyway, what are you doing here? This place is abandoned you know,” said Todd. He noticed that her skin was really, really pale, and had an almost grey tinge to it. Her hair was pure white and scraggly, hanging loosely over her hunched shoulders. She was short, but looked up at Todd and Dirk like she knew exactly where to focus when talking to them. And her eyes. There was something about her eyes. They were wide open all the time, unblinking. A milky cloud of pale blue. It was like staring into the abyss, a never ending sea of sightless memories, almost hypnotic. 

“I own this house,” she said quietly, her raspy voice so quiet and wispy it was almost catching on the breeze. 

“You live here?!” exclaimed Dirk.

She chuckled, her hoarse voice making it sound like a slow series of wheezes. 

“Ah, no, not anymore. Anyway, I came here today to, well, feel some nostalgia I suppose. I had some good memories here. But I bought along my cat and I can't find him anywhere. I've been calling him for hours. I think he might be in the house somewhere but I don’t want to go in, I might hurt myself. Can you help me?” 

She looked straight at Dirk, practically in the eyes, which he looked like he found unsettling, drawing back his head a little but enthusiastically nodding anyway. 

“Of course! I would be incredibly happy to help! Completely free of charge on this occasion, as right now my detecting methods aren’t exactly up to scratch, I hit my head earlier today, but as long as things remain tangential, and… umm... connected, I’m sure we will find your cat in no time!” 

Todd poked Dirk and started gesturing that he needed to talk to him.

“I just need to talk to my wonderful assistant for a second, oh and by the way, what’s the cat’s name?”

“It’s Bernie.” 

Todd and Dirk walked down the steps round to the side of the house, and Todd leaned in with his hand over his mouth so as to not be too loud.

“Are you sure we can trust her?” he whispered. Dirk raised his eyebrows at him.

“Well of course we can Todd you silly man, she’s obviously harmless.”

“You don’t know that. What if she knows about the guy who attacked you? What if he’s still here? She wasn’t here this morning. What if the house is unstable? What if it’s a trap?!” Todd’s voice had got increasingly louder, and Dirk raised his finger to his lips to silence him. 

“Todd! Be quiet! She’ll think you’re being rude! It’s all fiiiinneeee, the man who hit me was spray painting rude things on the wall round the back, he probably panicked, hit me and then ran. Also right now I am getting some serious deja vu, are you feeling it Todd?”

A smile was beginning to form on Todd’s face.

“Dirk, you remembered something! You’re remembering things!” he said, grinning at Dirk.

Dirk made a noise somewhere in between an excited yelp and a squeal. 

“HA! So I am!” he said, clapping his hands together and then achieving somewhat of an awkward high-five from Todd. 

He pumped his fist in proud triumph before bounding back around to the front of the house, Todd following behind, trying to look grumpy but not concealing the small smile on his face. 

When Dirk got to the top step leading to the porch, he swung himself around the column so that he was precariously dangling from it with one hand facing Todd, and said with a wink:

“You know, if you’re scared of the big old spooky house you can always hold my hand.” 

Before swinging himself back around and walking into the said ‘big old spooky house’, Todd still trying to hide his smile behind him.


	5. Ghostly Happenings

Once inside, Dirk immediately dashed into the first room on his left, which, once Todd was in it, looked to be the living room. Todd found him looking around everywhere he could: the corners of the room, inside the dilapidated old fireplace - like a dog searching for a bone. Todd stood uncomfortably in the middle of the room, noting the various cobwebs draping from the ceilings, the eons old armchair with a leg missing propped up next to the wall, and the thick, musty air making him want to either cough or sneeze because of the dust.

“Dirk.. What are you doing?” Todd asked, cautiously, afraid that somehow he was interrupting something important.

He turned around to see Dirk with his head inside a massive plant pot.

“There are a lot of things happening in my head right now Todd and for some reason - or many reasons I’m not yet sure of - I plan to trust my intuitions,” came Dirk’s muffled voice. 

“Do you know what you’re looking for?” 

“Nope! But I do know one, ahem, vitally important piece of information,” he said, pulling his head out of the pot and spitting dust.

“What’s that?”

“Whatever we’re looking for in connection to finding Bernie the cat is most definitely inside this house.” 

He had such an optimistic look on his face that Todd just scrunched up his face at him, too tired to complain anymore.

“I want you to, y’know, go and scope around the house, like a, a secret agent!” he paused for a second as if trying to remember something, but shook his head and grinned at Todd.

“Woah woah wait. You want me to go around the house looking for.. A thing? Alone?” 

“Todd, it’ll be fine! It’s still light outside, there are windows! I think I may be figuring some more things out, so I need some time to myself. If I need you I’ll be sure to yell.” 

He had such a cheery tone of voice that Todd didn’t feel the need to argue anymore, and so accepted his fate.

He wandered down the hall to what he figured was the kitchen. Damp stains marked the peeled wallpaper, and a puddle of what Todd hoped was water spread out across the floor. 

He didn’t like being alone. Being with Dirk, it always felt... Well, not safe, but right. Like Todd knew he was supposed to be there. In the kitchen the air felt empty, but somehow filled by… something. He felt like the years of dust that had settled over the worn countertops wasn’t meant to be disturbed, and that he shouldn’t be there. Still, all the same, he wrote his name in the dust with his finger whilst wondering how the house came to be abandoned. It was nice once, probably. He looked out of the dirty window and sighed, staring into the overgrown garden. It was mostly weeds and plants, but a rusted swing-set sat in the middle of it all, the seat swaying slightly in the breeze.

He blinked. Suddenly there was the old woman, sat on the swing. She was motionless, staring right at him, 

Todd gasped loudly and jumped as something clattered to the floor behind him.

He swung around and saw a metal cat bowl lying face down in the middle of the room. 

Freaked out, Todd turned back to the window and - of course - the woman was gone.

“Shit shit shit!” he whispered, grabbing the cat’s bowl off the floor - it could be a clue - and practically sprinting out of the room and into the hallway.

“Dirk? DIRK!” Todd shouted. There was no reply. Just the whistling of a cool breeze, wafting through the walls. It seemed to be making everything colder.

He cursed some more and ran up the stairs, stopping when he got to the upstairs landing, trying to get his breath back. But the breath wouldn’t come.

At first he thought it was panic; the stress of the day finally catching up to him, but as he struggled to breathe, he realised it wasn't the panic that was strickening him.

Something had a grip around his neck, choking him. Freezing, invisible fingers pressed down onto his windpipe, he couldn't shout out, couldn't gasp for breath. 

But there was nobody there.

‘I’velostDirkDirk’sgonei’llneverseehimagainhe’sgoneforever’ 

Without any warning he fell onto the floor, letting go of the cat’s bowl and making an almighty crash which rang out in his ears. 

He tried desperately to gasp for a breath, but he still felt the force stopping it coming. 

He thought about giving up, just letting it get him. Somehow content with letting his last thoughts be his worry for Dirk.

His vision began to go fuzzy, he felt as if he was going to pass out, he felt dizzier and dizzier by the second and-

A voice rang out through the deafening din of silence, and then Todd was sitting up, gasping for air and eyes open wide like he was a fish being dragged out of the ocean by a fisherman’s hook, yanked to the surface all at once, confused and bemused as he tried to figure out what had just happened to him. 

There was never anybody there. But he felt it. He felt an overwhelming sense of dread wash over him.

Someone, or something, didn’t want him there.

“Todd? Toooodddddddddd!!” an all too familiar voice called up the stairs, like a disney princess calling to her birds.

Todd almost screamed in relief at the sound of Dirk's voice. He blinked his eyes rapidly, trying to clear them of the tears that had formed. He felt that somehow, without even meaning to or having any clue to his situation, Dirk had saved Todd's life.

And hell was Todd grateful.

He called back a hoarse “I'm here,” shakily getting to his feet, still feeling dizzy from the lack of oxygen.

“God,” he groaned rubbing his eyes as he reached the top step, and slowly stepped down, making sure to cling to the banister for balance.

At the bottom, Dirk’s grinning face met his. 

His grin faltered slightly as he noticed Todd’s out of breath state.

“Are you alright Todd? You look a bit.. Well, strained?” he asked, cocking his head slightly and squinting to try and figure out what was different.

“I’m fine I just… Tripped over some boxes, it winded me. I’ll be fine.” 

He didn’t want to worry Dirk, not as he was just getting back in the game, so decided to keep what happened to himself, hoping that Dirk wouldn’t notice anything else.

Dirk seemed satisfied with the answer and patted Todd on the shoulder. 

“Good. Now…” he motioned to Todd to follow him into the living room. “I’ve found a thing..”


	6. A Small, Black Book

Dirk led Todd to an opening in the middle of the living room floor. Dark, dingy and with a rickety set of stairs leading down to God knows where. Todd gulped. 

“Have you… been down there?” he asked, his hand gently rubbing his neck to try and calm his nerves.

“Nope! That’s why I needed you! As clueless as I may be, I know that it probably isn’t a good idea to go into a dark... thing by oneself, so I figured I would need my assistant there to help me! This is something I would do, right?” 

Todd looked at Dirk’s smiling face, noting the slight hint of desperation behind his eyes. He had almost forgotten that Dirk had lost his memory.

“Well, not really. You have a habit of going off into possibly dangerous situations alone, but we’ll take this as a self improvement.” 

Dirk shrugged. “I was afraid of that,” he said quietly, staring at the floor sadly for a couple of seconds before realising what he was doing and restoring the grin on his face.

“So, are we going down there?” 

“What? No! Dirk, the last thing I am doing is going down there.”

“Why not?”

Todd could practically taste the disappointment in Dirk’s voice.

Leaning in, he whispered to Dirk “Look, this house isn’t safe, there’s something in here. Something really bad. I-I know this is gonna sound crazy, but I think there are ghosts here, like, actually in the house.” 

Dirk looked at him wide eyed.

“Does the old lady know?”

“What?”

“Do ghosts count as squatters?”

Todd rolled his eyes and turned to walk to the door.

“Wait, where are you going?” Dirk called after him.

“I told you, I am not going in there. I am getting out of here. The old lady can.. Can… Oh I don't know, suck on eggs!” he said defiantly, his hands on his hips like some sort of superhero or angry soccer mom. 

“But Todd,” groaned Dirk “It’s a clue! It leads to something!! What exactly I don’t know but i’m sure it’s super important! I can feel it!” 

He was met with raised eyebrows and a firm shake of the head, and huffed loudly.

His tone changed to that of slightly mischievous intent. “Besides, being the good assistant and good friend I think you are, you wouldn’t want me going in there alone now, would you?” 

Defeated, Todd walked back into the room. “Stop smiling,” he said, and Dirk bit his lip, his eyes still sparkling with unhidden glee. 

Cautiously, Todd put his foot on the first wooden step, wincing at the pained creak which sounded from beneath him.

“This is not happening,” he whispered to himself, and took another deep breath as he slowly set the other down. He exhaled with relief as he found out the stairs weren’t immediately collapsing under his weight. He let out a gulp as he stared into the pitch darkness.

Suddenly, he yelped as a finger poked him on the shoulder.

“Relax! It’s just me! I was thinking, if you’re going first then you should probably use your phone torch - Oops, I mean, flashlight,’ said Dirk, imitating a very bad american accent.

It was then that Todd’s mind suddenly registered that yes, he was going first. ‘How did I let this happen?’ .Considering for a moment to turn around and complain at Dirk some more, Todd had an intense feeling of something wanting him to go into the darkness, almost dragging him down the steps towards it. Something sinister.

“Hey Dirk? Do you... Do you feel that?” 

“...No?” came the completely untruthfully sounding reply.

Todd shakily continued down the steps, his phone’s flashlight dimly lighting the room. The walls were lined with cobblestone bricks, the floor just dirt. It was freezing. It looked like some type of torture chamber. Todd heard Dirk running quickly down the stairs after him, seemingly not concerned about the state of them, nor the fact that they could break at any moment. Todd shined the light in his face and Dirk flailed his arms about, squinting through it to see Todd. 

“Watch it!” he said, sounding very on edge, looking slightly scared for once.

It didn’t bring Todd any satisfaction.

“You.. You okay?” 

Dirk nodded quickly, biting his lip before looking suddenly surprised and grabbing the phone out of Todd’s hand to scan around the room. There were a couple of rotting wooden chairs, one tipped back slightly to rest against against the bare wall. A naked, burnt out light bulb hung from the ceiling, eerily swaying slightly, despite the lack of breeze or well, anything in the air. But Dirk was more concerned about the ominous black trunk sat next to a heavy looking door. He turned to look at Todd, the fear on his face replaced with excitement.

“A clue!” he said, before rushing over to it and opening it up, ignoring Todd’s half hearted attempts to stop him.

Dirk rummaged through it, and produced from it four things: An old, sepia photo of a young girl standing next to the very house they were in, a tiny kitten in her arms, a cat collar that was literally falling apart at the seams, a rusted key and a small, black book. 

“Shit,” Todd said aloud as he remembered the metal cat’s bowl he had ‘found’ back in the kitchen.

“What?”

“I found a thing, a food bowl, I think I dropped it, I was gonna bring it to you.”

Dirk shrugged. 

“Doesn’t matter Todd, I think we both know that the cat does indeed exist,”

He went back to staring into the trunk, as if something else would suddenly appear in it.

“I think we have everything from it... Now, these things are most definitely... Things... Right Todd?”

Todd groaned and sat down on the floor next to him, grimacing at the feel of the damp ground. 

“What exactly are the things?” Todd asked, huffing with slightly faked annoyance as Dirk shone the light directly into his eyes. 

“Well, we’ve got this collar, hopefully minus any fleas, dead or alive, ghost fleas? This rather very ominous looking photograph, very scary, this slightly disgusting key and this!” 

He held up the little book with a grin.

“A black… Book.” Todd said slowly, wondering if he was missing something.

“Precisely! A… black.., book..” Dirk faltered. 

He suddenly lost the enthusiastic spark he had lit and looking lost and afraid, like a child alone in a forest. His face completely dropped, like someone had turned off a switch in his mind.

“Black... book,” he repeated. “Blackbook. Blackbook. Black..” 

Todd had never seen Dirk like this before. His expression was dark and clouded, slowly turning into that of a sad, terrifying realisation. 

His body was completely frozen, his eye twitching slightly. It was like the madly computed ‘Dirk brain’ had had a malfunction. 

‘Blackbook? What could he be remembering? Something they did at... Oh.’ Todd’s eyes widened as he realised what Dirk must be remembering. No no no, this couldn’t be happening now. He couldn’t be remembering Black Wing. Not when Todd had more or less got Dirk back on track with the universe or whatever. 

“Black, you must be remembering our friend, Farah... Black. She’s what you’re thinking of, right Dirk?” he asked him, soothingly, trying to conceal his sudden burst of worry.

Dirk looked up at Todd, his eyes brimming with years of pained, defeated tears, and slowly shook his head, closing his eyes and letting the tears fall, not even bothering to try to conceal his emotions with a false cheery grin or an overly chirpy ‘I’m fine!’ anymore, just putting his head against his knees and letting every loud sob out, tremors racking his crumpled body.

Todd could tell that every single memory of Black Wing was coming back, and, although he never explicitly knew what went on in Dirk’s childhood, he knew that it was all hitting Dirk hard, and, on account of his memory loss, probably harder than it ever had before.

Todd put his arms around Dirk, eventually pulling him against his chest and resting his head on his, his hands gently rubbing Dirk’s back in an effort to comfort him.

The sobs became quieter, and Dirk started to say a hoarse “S-Sorry Todd, I-” before Todd shushed him.

“Don’t apologise.” 

He pulled him in closer, and for a couple of minutes they sat in utter silence in the darkness, comforted by each other’s deep breaths. 

“Todd,”

“Yeah?”

“Did you… Did you know?” 

Silence.

“I… Yeah. You told me. Not everything, but enough.”

Dirk sniffed. “And you weren’t going to tell me.”

“I... didn’t think it was a good idea.”

Dirk pulled away from Todd and turned the phone back over so that the light lit up the two of them, their little spotlight in the black.

He grasped Todd’s hand and looked him deep in the eyes, and for a moment Todd was truly seeing the person inside the mind of the persona, seeing everything Dirk had experienced, feeling his pain.

And oh God did he just want to hold him forever and tell him that everything would be alright, whether either of them believed it or not.

“Thank you.” Dirk whispered, hesitating for a second as if planning to say or do something else, before pulling away to wipe his eyes and stare mindlessly back at the photograph, leaving Todd sat numb on the floor, his heart beating at what felt like a million times per second, and embarrassingly flushed - though sitting in the darkness only he could tell.


	7. A Revelation

They sat together in silence for some time, Dirk with his eyes closed, head against the cold brick wall, Todd looking blankly at the floor, his mind failing to generate any small talk. 

As he opened his mouth yet again to say nothing, Dirk stood up and brushed the dust off of his trousers, holding the rusty key between his fingertips and peering at it. Todd shined his light onto Dirk so that he could see it better, and the detective darted over to the large door, putting the key in his mouth - which can’t have tasted too good - and making a square around the keyhole with his fingers, like some type of wacky interior designer, squinting through it and tilting his head. 

He sighed, taking the key out of his mouth and blowing some raspberries to get the rustiness off of his tongue. 

“This is most definitely the key to the door,” he said, sounding somewhat resigned to his situation now.

Todd hastily got to his feet. 

“Do we... go in?”

“Well, all signs are pointing to it,” Dirk hesitated. “Including the ones in my scattered brain.”

He looked at Todd, giving him a very small smile which didn’t quite meet his wearied eyes, but Todd was thankful for it all the same.

“But are you sure you want to go in? Like, we could go outside, you can sit down, I don’t know, have a think and some cold pizza or something... There’s still some in the car?”

There was a slight tired bitterness to Dirk’s voice as he said “I can’t, we have to get on with the case.” 

He said the words loudly, not looking at Todd as he did so but just… off somewhere, his face making twenty different expressions a second as he spoke.

It was as if Dirk wasn’t just talking to Todd, but to the room, to the world, to the universe. Letting it know that it had got to him, that he knew the game the universe was playing with him. Todd didn’t quite understand it, and he doubted that Dirk did either, but he knew that in Dirk’s pained, messy, scrambled head the cogs were turning. Slowly, but making progress as they did.

Dirk tentatively slotted the key into the lock, and the two waited with baited breath as they heard the mechanics inside working. 

The door clicked open, making an agonising creak as Dirk tentatively pushed it. 

It clearly hadn’t been opened in quite some time. 

The room which they both entered was very much the same as the last, faded brick walls, a strong smell of musk in the thick air. Todd was very much reminded of the room in which he and Dirk had encountered the electric ghost rhino. He hoped that it reminded Dirk of that particular memory too.

But unlike the other, in the middle of this room sat two, large, intricately carved and painted wooden cobalt blue graves. A picture of a cat seemingly drowning in a bucket with a small boy with wild black hair standing next to it was depicted on one, and a picture of what looked to be the same small boy lying stiffly on the top of a bed, eyes shut. The pattern surrounding the pictures reminded Todd of bathroom tiles, and the graves unlike anything he had seen before.

In between both graves, on the floor, there was a small wooden plaque with an inscription carved into it that Todd couldn’t make out, as it looked to be in a foreign language.

‘Aici este Bernie pisică, el a fost foarte rău, și acum el este găsit, el vă va găsi, Svlad.’

“Well Dirk, looks like we found Bernie the cat,” he chuckled awkwardly, as he made out the name in the writing.

But Dirk didn’t respond. He was looking at the plaque with a look of pure, bewildered amazement, not like he’d had a revelation, but more like somebody looking up into the sky and seeing a spaceship hovering above.

“Dirk?” 

Todd knelt down next to him, not entirely sure of what to make of the situation, and shined his light on it so that Dirk could see it clearer.

He looked at Todd and back at the plaque, completely speechless.

“You... Okay? Is it another hunch?”

“I… I can... I can read this,” Dirk said quietly.

He turned to look at Todd, eyes wild with confusion and excitement. He looked back at the plaque and shook his head, furrowed his brows and looked down at the inscription, muttering to himself. As the muttering got louder Todd could hear that he was reading every single word perfectly, with every roll of the tongue, and every word accented.

Todd had never heard this language spoken before, but he could tell for sure that Dirk was fluent in it. It sounded like a mix of Italian and Russian, and Todd found himself somewhat mesmerised by Dirk’s repeating of the phrases. 

“What language is it? What does it say Dirk?”

“It’s.. It’s Romanian Todd. I can speak Romanian.”

Was this a universe thing? Had Dirk always been fluent in Romanian or was this some kind of weird blessing for them? 

“How?” 

“Oh for goodness sake Todd, I don’t know! I don’t remember!” Dirk snapped, his hands gesticulating wildly in front of him.

Shit. Todd didn’t want to upset him. He contemplated doing an awkward shoulder pat before eventually settling with a “sorry” which sounded way too sulky for his liking.

“Besides,” Dirk said, his voice low, “I’m more worried about what’s actually written on there at this moment than how i’m able to read it.”

He read it out loud again. “Aici este motanul Bernie, el a fost foarte rău, iar acum că a fost găsit, el te va găsi, Svlad." It says something along the lines of: Here is Bernie the cat, he was very bad, and now he has been found...” His voice cracked slightly. “He will find you, Svlad.” 

He said the last words very slowly, looking up at Todd with an expression that Todd couldn’t make out. He didn’t look confused anymore.

Todd’s heart jolted at little, what if he was making a connection? It was about time they had another, Todd was sick of being in creepy houses.

“Svlad? Is that like... A...name?”

Dirk stood straight up and began erratically pacing across the floor. Todd clumsily got to his feet and Dirk whipped around to face him so quickly that he jumped.

His eyes were wide, scared, and Todd recognised the same flicker of emptiness that he had seen in the other room, when Dirk was remembering Black Wing. 

He grabbed onto Todd’s shoulders and gripped them firmly, his hands shaking slightly.

“Todd. We need to get out of here.”

He yanked Todd along with him as he made a beeline for the door, and suddenly, instantaneously, the flashlight on the phone cut out, the door slammed with a noise which sounded like it wouldn't open again without a struggle, and they were both pushed into the corner of the room, in the hellish darkness.


	8. Solved It.

“Hey.. Dirk?”

“Y-Yes Todd?”

“You know you said that if I ever got scared I could... Hold your hand?”

“Yes Todd..”

“Well.. I’d really like to take you up on that offer right now.”

Todd felt a cold, soft hand grip his, and squeezed it tight.

“Dirk,” he whispered, “That is you right?”

“I should hope so.” 

Todd waved his free arm around, not being able to see it in front of him, until he whacked something, hard.

“Oooooow!” came Dirk’s annoyed voice. “I didn’t know I was that bad at hand holding.”

“You’re not, you’re - Look, do you have any clue of what to do right now?”

“Todd, I can’t see. I can’t magic a light on, what about your phone?”

“It’s in my pocket, it won’t turn on.”

He rolled his eyes as he heard Dirk huff loudly.

Todd shivered, the room had become freezing cold, colder than it was before, and he didn’t like it one bit.

Todd felt Dirk slowly tense next to him, squeezing his hand so tight that Todd had to wriggle free. 

“What?” he said, sounding even more anxious than he thought he was.

“Shh... Something’s about to happen...”

A hunch.

Todd began to hear something, many things, all at once. The distinct, pained yowl of a cat, the scream of a baby, a heavily accented voice softly whispering ‘Svlad’ over and over, louder and louder until it turned into agonised wails of misery.

He felt a cool wind around his feet, slowly progressing into what felt like tiny tornadoes of ice whipping around his legs, flapping up the bottoms of his jeans and sending chills around his entire body.

Todd found Dirk’s hand again and held onto it, afraid that somehow Dirk would just suddenly disappear and leave him alone to rot in the darkness with whatever else was in there. 

Another noise stopped everything else Todd could hear in their tracks. The creak of the door, slowly opening.

“Shit” Todd said, not bothering to be quiet anymore. He jumped and grabbed onto Dirk, feeling him tense for a second at the sudden contact, then relaxing slightly as they both stood there, Todd feeling a little like a terrified sloth, half clinging onto Dirk’s shoulder.

Todd was feeling so many emotions, he didn’t know what any of them were, his heart was beating faster, and all he could think about was Dirk, and how warm he was right now, and how much he would actually miss him if he lost him, and how he just wanted to hug him as tight as he could and how-

Oh.

This couldn’t be a thing. Not now.

He couldn’t be.

Was this Todd’s fight or flight response? Except that instead of fight or flight, it was ‘Fight or Be In Love With Dirk Gently’.

Everything seemed to hit him at once, and suddenly he realised that God, he did love Dirk Gently. He did care for him, more than anything else in his sad world.

It was a shame that this realisation of intense feelings was soon replaced again by those of fear, as an eerie light appeared through the crack in the door, and it swung open some more to reveal the old woman, head down, hovering above the ground and glowing like a thousand light bulbs, though the glow didn’t light up the room around her. It was like she was in a spotlight, and everything else was enveloped in darkness.

The world seemed to stop as she entered the room, the noise and wind dying down for just a second before Todd was snapped out of his daze by Dirk suddenly staggering backwards at the sight of her. 

He managed to grab hold of him before he literally fell onto the floor, and Dirk grabbed onto his shoulders, shaking with... Excitement?

“Todd!” he shouted above the din. Todd could practically hear the grin in his voice. This wasn’t normal, why was he happy?

“What’s the matter?” he shouted back, looking behind his shoulder for a second to check that the old woman wasn’t doing an irish jig or something that would explain Dirk at that moment.

“Bloody hell Todd, I’ve done it! I’ve solved the... THING! And I remember things, lots of… THINGS! Oh my god Todd, I remember everything!”

“Oh my- What?!”

Dirk laughed with delirious glee and shook Todd’s shoulders, planting a quick ‘mwah!’ kiss on his forehead (followed by a rushed, very British ‘sorry’) and making Todd glad Dirk couldn’t see him furiously blushing in the darkness.

“It’s all there Todd, it’s all... Connected! EVERYTHING IS CONNECTED!”

Todd found himself almost breathless by Dirk's sudden enthusiasm. He was back. Dirk was back! He was happy, honestly he was, but for once his focus wasn’t entirely on the excited Brit in front of him. He couldn't help looking past and warily watching the spectre of the old woman, now holding what looked like a grumpy, sopping wet orange cat.

The previously burnt out lightbulb above them started turning on and off, casting a strobe like effect on the room, and letting Todd see Dirk’s happy face, the lighting making him seem almost mad, like he was in the scary part in a play or something.

"Okay! Okay! That's great Dirk! Like, really, really great but we- we are in a situation here!" He said, his voice high from a mixture of elation and fear.

“You bet your bottom dollar we are! It's the universe, Todd. It sent us here so that I could get my memory back! Bloody awkward way to do it, mind you, but it all worked out! Right? Right!”

“Right! But what about the old lady, she's like possessed or someth-”

“Oh, SOD THE OLD LADY! She's just dead! Don't you see Todd, she's literally just.. DEAD! Don't you find it weird how this house is rather unnaturally cold? I mean, even she was freezing when I shook her hands, and it's practically 30 degrees outside! Celsius I mean, it's probably a gazillion fahrenheit for you.”

“Okay but.. What?”

“Todd, I solved the case! Well, technically it wasn’t even a proper case at all, more of a side quest really, like…. Cave Systems and Fire Lizards?”

“I- I don’t get any of this.”

Dirk sighed dramatically, screwing up his face and shaking his hands at Todd, like what he was saying was the easiest thing to follow. 

His eyes lit up and he let go of Todd’s hand, something Todd had gotten so used to he found himself missing Dirk’s as it let go, walked to the center of the room, still completely ignoring the woman, and got into what Todd now recognised after enduring various small cases with Dirk as the ‘I’ve solved it and now I’m going to explain everything’ position. 

All of the chaos and the noise seemed to stop, and the air in the room stood still, stagnant, waiting to see what the holistic detective had deducted.

“Okay. So this,” he said, signalling with wide open arms to the spectre, “Is.. well, i’m not actually entirely sure of her name, but I won’t ask right now, it’ll ruin the thing I’ve got going. Anyway. She is the owner of the house, as she previously mentioned to us, but she’s not the current owner, oh no. He’s a very rich man currently on holiday in Tenerife. She is the original owner of the house, or at least, her family is. Her family came over from Romania at the start of the 20th century, and they were the ones who built it, and the house was passed onto her as a young adult. Got that bit?”

Todd nodded.

“Now, you’re probably wondering about the whole.. Cat thing. Well. She had a son..” He paused for a second to take in a sharp breath. “...Svlad, in her late teens, and lived here with him after her family moved out. When she was around 21, she contracted corneal disease, which eventually led to her becoming totally blind, and once again dependent on her family to help look after her and her child. She got a cat, Bernie, to keep her company during the cold nights alone, while her family stood upstairs watching the baby. As he got a little older, about 2 or 3, he would play with the cat in front of his mother, and it made her incredibly happy to hear her son’s laughter. She loved the bond he had with Bernie. But soon, tragedy struck. Her son got a fatal bout of pneumonia, which unfortunately led to his demise. Enraged and full of grief, she drowned poor Bernie in a bucket of water.”

Todd was impressed, but still incredibly confused. 

He smiled lopsidedly as he noticed the beads of sweat beginning to form on Dirk’s forehead. Dirk really did put everything he could into explaining a case, and Todd admired it in the same way he would whilst watching a concert. It was loud, it was confusing, it was bright.

And Todd loved it.

“Dirk.. I- I..” he stuttered, trying to find words to respond to - Well, that.

“Don’t worry Todd, it’s not over yet. The woman felt a tremendous guilt over having drowned the cat throughout her life, something to do with her son and the cat not being united after death, all that topped with the fact that she didn’t know where her son - or the cat - was buried. She literally lived her whole life - and, well, death I suppose - worrying about that bloody cat! And her child, of course, but to me the cat is the most important part. You see, she knew that her family wasn’t rich enough to be able to afford a proper burial, and they wouldn’t tell her where they buried her son, no matter how much she begged and pleaded with them to know. I guess they didn’t really want her finding out that he was buried in a creepy secret room in the basement, right?” he chuckled nervously. “I mean, at some point someone did eventually invest in some rather snazzy Romanian graves for them, but I’m getting off track now. But that was the whole ‘he will find you’ thing! It means that they will be united after death! Nothing ominous at all! The point is, she has her cat, I have my memories back, and most importantly, I solved the case!” 

Dirk was panting, his eyes shining as he grinned at Todd, who stared at him in admiration.

“Dirk, that was... Amazing...” Todd said, breathily.

Dirk looked pretty proud of himself and dusted off some dirt from his shoulder.

“Really? I thought I went a bit overboard at times,” he said, sounding totally chuffed through his attempt at modesty.

Dirk looked towards the woman and motioned to Todd to look too. 

She was still glowing, but brighter than ever, and she was, well, young again. She looked about 21 years old, her skin was smooth, her dark brown hair flowed over her shoulders, and her once clouded eyes were glistening a bright blue, clearer than ever. In her arms was Bernie the cat, pawing the hand of an excited toddler with wild black hair, who was grinning and reaching for the cat, his other hand firmly clutching his mother’s skirt.

She put the cat down and walked towards Dirk, leaving little Svlad and Bernie to play next to their graves, a blissful smile on her face. 

They stared at each other for a few seconds before the woman said in her whispery voice;

“Mulțumesc, Svlad.”

Dirk tried to open his mouth to say something back but the woman was already walking back towards the graves.

He and Todd watched as she once again picked up the cat, turning around one final time to wave at the two of them, and then she took hold of her son’s hand and turned back around o face the wall, before the three of the them slowly faded into the darkness. 

Once they were gone, the atmosphere of the room seemed lighter, uplifted. Todd’s breathing didn’t feel so heavy anymore, and his phone light had flickered back on, and the room was lit up in a bright glow which seemed even brighter than before.

Todd was about to say something to Dirk before he was nearly knocked off of his feet by the Holistic Detective flinging his arms around him in a hug.

Todd’s own arms were kind of glued to their sides, Dirk hugging him as hard as he could. Todd definitely appreciated the gesture, although it wasn’t really the best embrace he’d had because of the height difference and the fact that Dirk was obviously not a frequent hug giver.

Dirk pulled away from Todd and smiled lopsidedly at him.

“That was the one of the most scary and bizarre things I’ve been through whilst being in this country,” he said, and Todd nodded, his eyes wide. “But i’m glad you were there with me.”

Todd smiled. “I’m glad you got your memory back.”

Dirk looked thoughtful. 

“There’s just one thing that I don’t really remember whether I told you or not.”

“And that is?”

“Todd Brotzman, I really bloody love you.”


	9. Blue Beginnings

Todd and Dirk were sat on a bench outside of the house, hand in hand. The sun was still out, the breeze was gentle, and the two of them were appreciating the rest they felt they needed in a long but tranquil silence, their shoulders touching comfortably as they sat together.

It was Todd for once that decided to speak up first

“You know I still don't entirely get it.”

“Toooodd, it's not hard to understand.”

“Dirk, a lot of stuff happened, like, really freaky shit.”

“I know, I was there.”

“No, you - Ugh.” Todd took in a deep breath.

“Look, when you were downstairs and I was upstairs, I got attacked, by like another ghost or something. I’m sorry I didn't tell you before, I just didn't wanna worry you.”

Dirk looked thoughtful for a moment, and Todd waited for his answer, not knowing how Dirk would react.

“I mean... I sort of guessed something like that had happened.” He said, sighing.

“Of course you did,” Todd said, chuckling slightly.

“But I don't get what it was, or why it was there, all I know is that it didn’t want me in that house.”

“Well Todd, every house has it's poltergeist.”

“Are you kidding me?” 

“No, maybe you walked in on it doing something... private?”

“Dirk Gently, are you insinuating that I walked in on a masturbating poltergeist?”

“Well.. everything's connected?”

Todd let go of Dirk's hand to punch him in the arm.

Dirk grinned at him, and Todd noted the way his eyes crinkled when he did so, mentally prompting himself to look at Dirk more when he smiled, because the living sunshine did. A lot.

As they stared out over the vast plain of fields surrounding the house, Todd had one thought plaguing his mind. ‘Mulțumesc, Svlad.’ What did she mean? And why did she say it directly to Dirk, and not the two of them?

“Uh, hey, Dirk? There’s another thing I wanna ask.”

“Mmm?” Dirk said absentmindedly, still looking at the view.

“Back in the room, what did the lady say to you, like… Mootoomesk Svlad or something? What did it mean? And why did she say it you? Like, if it was about the Svlad kid-” Todd faltered as he saw Dirk flinch slightly at the name, his face troubled. 

Instantly he knew that he shouldn’t be asking any more questions.

“Sorry,” he said sheepishly, moving in closer to Dirk and smiling apologetically.

Dirk sighed. “It’s alright, it’s just that… Well, that name is a bit of a sore subject for me.”

Todd rested his head on his shoulder, feeling Dirk relax a little, and looked up at him.

“Do you wanna talk abou-”

“No.”

Todd lifted his head to look at Dirk, who shrugged before looking at the floor.

“Okay.”

They went back to silence again.

“Hey Dirk? I think there’s still some leftover pizza in the car.”

Dirk snorted. “Your poltergeist probably nabbed it, to go with his private time.” he said sarcastically, but with the warmth returning to his voice.

It was Todd’s turn to snort.

“Hey, that was a traumatic experience for me you know.”

“That entire thing was a traumatic experience, but, if there just so happens to be any pizza left, preferably a slice that isn’t covered in ectoplasm or a similar substance, I just might have some.”

Todd got up off of the bench and stretched.

“You wanna know one thing I learnt today?”

Dirk smiled up at him expectantly.

“Explaining what a holistic detective is a really, really hard thing to do.”

Dirk burst out laughing. “Right?! Todd, welcome to my life!”

“Do you remember what I told you?”

“Well yes, obviously, I lost my memory before that. I must say, I’ll give you marks for mentioning the interconnectedness of all things, to be honest it sounded rather good coming out of your mouth, I’ll have to let you explain the holistic stuff to our clients more often.”

Dirk grinned as Todd groaned at his horrific flirting. 

He fluttered his eyelashes at him and pouted, his head resting on his hand.

“You know your trouble? You’re way too charming.”

Dirk stood up, still cheekily smiling, and adjusted his tie. 

“It’s the shirt and tie that does it Todd, you should invest in something like it.”

Todd chuckled. “What, so we can be matching boyfriends?”

The word slipped out of his mouth before he even knew it was coming, and Todd slapped both of his hands over his mouth in shock, his eyes wide as he anticipated Dirk’s reaction as he looked at his equally shocked and flushed face.

To his surprise (and utmost delight) Dirk’s mouth turned into a smile, a full, toothy, broad smile that stretched from pink ear to pink ear.

Dirk cleared his throat, raising his eyebrows at Todd as he puffed out his chest and did a princely pose, his hands on his hips.

“Well Mr Brotzman,” he said, his voice deep, “It seems that you have found yourself a holistic stylist boyfriend.” 

Todd rolled his eyes, blushing furiously. 

“Ugh, just get to the car,this place is still giving me the heebie jeebies.” He said, pulling Dirk towards the steps leading down to the car.

“You’re letting me drive again?”

“Pfft, of course not,” he stopped dragging the detective and looked him in the eyes, smirking. 

“Not after last time, when you got distracted by my blue pools of - what was the end of that statement, by the way?”

He put on a terrible English accent. “Please, Mr Gently, enlighten me with your beautifully articulate words.”

Dirk’s face was deadly serious now, even though his eyes were sparkling.

“Mr Brotzman, your eyes are like blue pools of… well, blue.” He whispered, a mischievous little smirk on his blushing face.

And, without any thought, Todd leant in, and found himself kissing the Holistic Detective.


End file.
